When the Neurodivergence Diverges
Feb. 3rd, 2026 01:40 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
genderjumperI cannot think of a time I have ever felt so ADHD as I do right now. All of my people are AuDHD and see Autism and ADHD as over-separated pathologies of related phenomena, but when I talk about embracing my ND traits I'm identifying almost entirely with the autistic side. At least, that used to be the case.
My brain goes through cycles, and this time last year I was so brain-foggy that I didn't have much wherewithal to notice much, let alone have feelings about it. But it seems there is a time of year when I want to hybernate, and even coming out of that is a drudge. I don't want to sleep all day (which is good), but I do want to watch videos and browse Letterboxd all day. I don't even feel nourished by these activities, I just start them for what I think will be 5-10 minutes and next thing I know several hours have gone by. I have a whole list of activities I'd rather be doing (and I've been nominally productive). Is this a sign I'm pushing myself too fast? Doing too much? Or just completely out of touch with my own needs?
I'm not sure it helps that my week is so untethered. I have meetings but I don't have anchoring events. I don't have dates while Activist Hottie is out of town, my local friends are in their own worlds, most of my phone calls fall through, and the commitments that hold feel like pulling teeth for myself and others. I already know I cannot force discipline upon myself, but I used to be able to outsmart myself with pacing and incentives. The incentive now is that we get to move in a few months, but everything feels far away.
Welcome to the whiny portion of the season.
My brain goes through cycles, and this time last year I was so brain-foggy that I didn't have much wherewithal to notice much, let alone have feelings about it. But it seems there is a time of year when I want to hybernate, and even coming out of that is a drudge. I don't want to sleep all day (which is good), but I do want to watch videos and browse Letterboxd all day. I don't even feel nourished by these activities, I just start them for what I think will be 5-10 minutes and next thing I know several hours have gone by. I have a whole list of activities I'd rather be doing (and I've been nominally productive). Is this a sign I'm pushing myself too fast? Doing too much? Or just completely out of touch with my own needs?
I'm not sure it helps that my week is so untethered. I have meetings but I don't have anchoring events. I don't have dates while Activist Hottie is out of town, my local friends are in their own worlds, most of my phone calls fall through, and the commitments that hold feel like pulling teeth for myself and others. I already know I cannot force discipline upon myself, but I used to be able to outsmart myself with pacing and incentives. The incentive now is that we get to move in a few months, but everything feels far away.
Welcome to the whiny portion of the season.
no subject
Date: 2026-02-03 03:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2026-02-04 10:18 pm (UTC)It's nothing I haven't experienced before...
Date: 2026-02-07 08:11 am (UTC)