Gender Jumper

I didn't get the dream job I applied to a few weeks back. It was a bit of a lark, but I was disappointed to not even make the first cut. It feels like such a perfect cut, but there are clearly somewhere between 1-1300 people out there doing the exact work I want to be doing at least a little bit better than I am.

(I will say that their rejection letter was the best I've ever received, and if it wasn't at least a little bit personalized they're incredibly thoughtful fakers.)

I am still inspired to know that the organization is out there, that facilitators can (sometimes) make so much money doing community work, that co-ops can (sometimes) pay so well, that there even exists such a thing as a 99th percentile dream job for me.

I've already taken action to do better, though. I held a fundraiser for my name day and raised $125 toward classes and materials that will further my facilitation chops (since I have almost no formal training), and I've already spent a bit on taking my first class from the organization I someday hope to join.

But I'm also wrestling with that consultant vibe... I have several deep skill sets, they just don't typically fit together in ways that can make other people money so no one is going to pay me for them. All the helping professions are strained and at risk of going out of date. I'm also middle-aged and only have a few years of "work" under my belt, despite my literal decades of community and interpersonal support. I'm exactly the person who has to go out and create a niche for myself.

But that also means figuring out how to tell people I exist, succinctly explain my qualifications, and repeatedly try to convince strangers how much they need me. In the midst of a failing hegemony.

[grumble grumble]

Feeling a distinct loss of momentum in many directions, as well as the arrival of my seasonal mini-mania, which means my brain will be spinning a lot and doing so in negative directions -- if I allow it to. But if I don't allow it to, I run the risk of accomplishing nothing and accomplishing things is the heart of my discomfort...

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That's the thing, isn't it? Crafting a routine that matches my neurodivergent traits and my unanchored lifestyle without reinforcing the society I'm trying to escape? I haven't tried in a long time. Maybe it could go differently this time?