Reminder to Myself

[genderjumper]

This is a good place to think out loud or get input from peers.

Topics that need messy, process-y attention soon:

1. Navigating a squishy flexible workload so there's enough time for the concrete elements to actually get done.
2. When and how to refer out a client whose emotional needs are more than I can handle and interfering with care support.
3. How to seal the deal with squishes: I want these people in my life and/or work and there's no time to hold back.
4. The Ordinal Chaos Index: some vague but ongoing measure of how chaotic things are on a personal, communal, or population scale.
5. Time to start closing doors again on people who are not engaging me on social media despite good faith efforts.
6. I probably also need help translating prospective clients into paychecks, colleagues into mentors/mentees.
7. Do I bother warning my friends and communities that now is the time to invest in communal support, not to wait for their rugged individualism to catch up? If so, how? If not, how do I let go of the notion I should.
8. Do I need to be more proactive in sharing my own foibles on social media? If so, who am I sharing them for? If not, why not?
9. (2a?) Am I becoming a magnet for energy vampires or am I actually helping them? What are my expectations and limitations either way?
10. My coaching work needs clearer goals, for me and for the clients.

Comments

in no particular order:

[flamingsword]

You might make an example list of coaching goals to put up either on the website or in your email welcome packet?

I don't really like the terminology of the "energy vampire" or how we construct that social label. Some people have high needs because of life circumstances, and some people have high needs because they are not putting in the work to meet any of their own needs or don't know how to do that. I've been in both places, and being called an "energy vampire" was very shame-inducing and caused other people to reject me before they even got to know me. High school and college were rough, and that was part of why.

A measure of how difficult it is to navigate disorganization at different scales would be very helpful, yes.

I think people are thinking that their social hubs, "alpha wolves", etc., will step up to do all of the community-building work, in a next-level bystander effect. That they will just be directed to show up for the barn-raising to make sure that they and their network get supported. Nobody really takes time to think of how much unpaid labor that sort of social work is, or the fact that it will be insufficient in the future. *shrugs* Don't know what to tell you to do about it, just offering a perspective.

I am thinking about doing a slow fade on Facebook, backing off even further than the one-hour-a-week thing that I currently aim for. I love some folks who are largely reachable through there, but the thing where their fact-checkers are in bed with the Heritage (nee Hate) Foundation is not really inspiring me to be on there.

Items now numbered in OP for easier reference

[genderjumper]

9 (and probably 2). I've never loved "energy vampire" myself, but it was late and I don't immediately have alternative terms in mind. I meant it somewhat deliberately, as folks whose lack of self-awareness and self-control make their emotions other people's problems, but I welcome alternatives. Anyway, it probably has more to do with professional and semi-professional ties than anyone from my personal spheres.

10. I've been developing my own templates for coaching clients (which is one of the projects that keeps getting pushed aside while putting out fires), but only this weekend realized that I could build on the work of others instead of reinventing the wheel. But it will take some deliberate time and effort to navigate all that.

1. "Disorganization at different scales" is a very good way to put it.

7. That makes a lot of sense, and I would never notice because I don't do leadership like that.

5 and 8. I would miss you on FB, but you would be far from the first and I trust us to stay connected however works for us both. I definitely engage there less than other platforms, due partially to the dip in quality of the feed and to my own quieter nature -- I simply have less to say to broad audiences these days.

That said, I've always tried to be realistic about what can be accomplished there. I didn't even know about the Heritage fact-checking but I'm hardly surprised. I've always made platforms what I need them to be, but they're only as successful as my ability to find others whose usage resonates. Unlike my caregiver isolation, I've been much more deliberate about reaching out to individuals over the past year and the vast majority will either never look at the message, look but not respond, or say they're busy and they'll get back to me then never do. I want to tell them I see their struggles and that this is the worst time imaginable to pull away from communal ties (see 7), but I hate asserting my views on others nearly as much as I hate being ignored.