genderjumper: cartoon giraffe, chewing greens, wearing cap & bells (Default)
I've found myself revisiting one of my earliest quirky, reflexive metaphors several times of late, and [personal profile] flamingsword asked me to explain it. I think I have, at times, called it "The Lifesaver Metaphor", which is more poetic but technically incorrect twice over.

TWO LIFEGUARDS

Two Lifeguards found each other early in life. They had both helped so many people in their brief lives that they saw in one another a shared drive to help others and quickly build a loving relationship out of it. While it wasn't perfect, it often felt too good to be true. "How can another person see me so well?" they each thought.

In celebration of their love, they went on a cruise, but late the first night they both felt overboard. No one on the ship knew they were gone, and since they were the ones who checked on everyone else, who knew how long it would take for someone to notice?

They looked at each other. There was nothing else to see.

Surely my lover will save me, each thought.

They looked at each other. There was nothing else to see.

Almost at the same moment, they spoke:
"We must swim to shore," said one lifeguard. "There are islands all around us, surely we can find land and get help."
"We must stay where we are," said the other lifeguard. "Someone will notice eventually and they will come find us."

They looked at each other. There was nothing else to see.

Surely my lover will save me, each thought.

They looked at each other. There was nothing else to see.

Did they fight? Did they repeat themselves? Did they hurt one another trying to prove something to themselves? Almost certainly.

They looked at each other. There was nothing else to see.

Their thoughts remained in sync: Surely my lover will save me... My lover will save me... My lover can save me...

They looked at each other. There was nothing else to see.

My lover can't save me...

Their parting barely qualified as a goodbye or a break-up, for by this time each was entirely focused on self-preservation.

They didn't look at each other. There was nothing else to say.

One lifeguard swam away. The other lifeguard stayed in place.

And with a little effort, both plans worked: each lifeguard was rescued exactly as hoped. Once they knew the other person was safe, they did not reconnect.

Their lives diverged rapidly.
The lifeguard who swam away continued to find power in action. The lifeguard who stayed continued to find power in staying still. They each helped so many people yet protected themselves a little more than before.

With each passing year, the other lifeguard and the falling overboard and the rescue would take up a smaller space in their memories.

They stopped looking for one another. There was nothing else to see.
genderjumper: cartoon giraffe, chewing greens, wearing cap & bells (Default)
I don't bother thinking very hard about the tension between free will and determinism unless I'm depressed and my usual self-regulation efforts aren't working. But it's rare that I start thinking about them without already noticing the depression and self-regulation stall.

This was not the week I thought I was going to have.
  • I got turned down for a job I really, really wanted. I trust that it's going to lead me to better things (or potentially I reapply later), but a lot of my cognitive load had been going to daydreaming about relocating and now it's not really sure where to go.
  • A trans woman died in my community. I had only met her once or twice: long enough to get a massive crush, not long enough to learn her last name. But I went to the grief circle tonight and offered what support I could to her grieving parents and others.
  • The friend I trust to be untrustworthy may be about to lose one parent to illness and another to the grief. I really wish people would call on a care coach or family diplomat during such difficult times. This particular friend just stormed off and probably got high.
  • Speaking of mental illness, when I started gray-rocking my fam-o about three years ago, I never would have imagined they would just stop participating. I have literally no idea what's happening over there right now, because they each started dealing with heavy shit and they simply do not know how to communicate out of anything other than idleness or overwhelm.
  • My ostensible dating partner and friend of 30+ years abruptly reconnected with an ex last week and derailed our plans to share physical space (which is a big deal because their family doesn't mask consistently so I have to build a lot of faith and request 5 days of relative isolation). I can't help worrying that some of this was sparked by their recent realization that I was going to move away sooner or later, but they are not strong at self-advocacy nor even certain kinds of self-awareness and I horrible at navigating the unspoken.
  • My planned road trip to visit hyper-cautious loved ones in central Texas did not happen because 2/3 of us got nasty spring colds (I allow for the fact it could have been COVID, but I have zero evidence and a lifetime of experience with allergies turning into sinus infections and it felt like the latter; that said, these things just plain heal more slowly than they did before my two cases of COVID).
  • Signs currently point to a new hypomania as I come out of sick-space: the excitement of the big change being redirected into staying calm combined with having been rather idle the past two weeks, so that's why I'm still up at 7am (I did have a 3-hour nap earlier, which is usually navigable for me) documenting some of the goings on instead of sleeping.
  • Have had a strong urge to write the past few days thanks to a writing group I'm co-leading, but I'm wavering between too much and too little to say.
  • My therapist wants to terminate after over ten years together because she has nothing left to teach me, I'm figuring it all out on my own. I agree it's time, but that doesn't mean I'm enthusiastic about it.
I should probably read the Tao or something contemplative, then try again to sleep.
genderjumper: cartoon giraffe, chewing greens, wearing cap & bells (Default)
( You're about to view content that the journal owner has advised should be viewed with discretion. )
genderjumper: cartoon giraffe, chewing greens, wearing cap & bells (Default)
On Journaling... ) The vast majority of the social sciences as we know them are so steeped in "Western" hegemony that studies will be impossible to replicate under other economic, cultural, and technological circumstances. Seeing the present moment, vis à vis pandemic(s), war(s), and corruptions(sss), as roughly an apex or precipice culminated on everything that came before (and with very little room to go anywhere but down), we have a unique birds eye view if we take the time to appreciate it. We have way more information about humans than has ever before been accessible, and we are at the peak of human understanding before it either crashes back down or is handed over to computers to process on our behalf (or hell, maybe both). Why not try to use this purview to leave something behind that is beyond ourselves?

Something that might help the next great society avoid some of our hubris and failings... )... but there's no academic hub I can find that pulls it altogether and says, "This is how human relationships and cultures reflect their material relationship with time." I don't think it could help being metaphysical (even spiritual), but then the emergence of sciences are rarely the cold, calculating laboratories we bias today.

Anyway, if you know any good books on sociotemporality (whatever its authors call it), let me know?

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