genderjumper: cartoon giraffe, chewing greens, wearing cap & bells (Default)
It was a resounding success. The food, the company, the sense of community. Some highlights:

Quite possibly the most beautiful moment I've ever shared with my household was watching my nesting partner and Kiddo simultaneously holding court in a room full of adults. Everyone was completely focused on one or the other of them, their similar speech cadences offered a strangely stable syncopation, and I just got to bask in the moment that I made happen. It's hard to convey just how rare and precious this moment was, but the short version is they're both autistic and very selective about opening up in group spaces. It was glorious and I get teary just thinking about it.

We went with an indigenous and regional vibe, since Kiddo is trying to build connections with her indigenous ancestry and we're a fairly decolonial bunch. Bison tacos, fry bread, esquites, and homemade tortilla soup were among the highlights. 

Storytelling was also a highlight. I confessed to everyone my intentions of building a stronger sense of community between maskers in this area so they'd all have each other to lean on once we finally GTFO. I got brave and shared a little bit about my time magic.

Returning with my party-superstar vibes (and honestly, these are the most successful events I've ever hosted without major assists, so that's a whole other layer) reminded me of days before COVID, before grad school, mostly even before caregiving, when I could just show up at a party and, at peak, vacillate easily between observant wallflower and center of attention in cycles. But since I didn't need to hold court for more than one story at a time, I didn't try to create or hold onto it, it just flowed, and I think it did for everyone else as well. With all that relaxation (and a bit of weed, though I myself never partake), a strong undercurrent of flirtation also emerged, and it felt like being at a polyamorous party again. I really missed that openness (didn't I journal about it here a couple years ago???), and have been savoring the afterglow a little too much.

I don't know if anyone's really interested. I'm not sure any of us have the capacity to even just have fun without complications these days. But damn, it feels good to be attractive and attracted and I'm going to bask in that a bit too.
genderjumper: cartoon giraffe, chewing greens, wearing cap & bells (Default)
My time magic is kicking up now, though my nesting partner had to point it out to me. Things are in motion...
  • Besides fluctuating illness on the part of me
  • ...and my nesting partner...
  • we've just learned that we're going from full-time parents to 24/7 parents, as Kiddo's father is leaving the state in under six weeks.
  • Nesting partner would also like us to refocus how we all spend time together before/during/after that transition
  • ...and has asked me to refrain from unpaid projects for the rest of the year
  • ...and dating for the same time period, though I think the odds were already pretty low there.
  • Meanwhile, I have less than two weeks before my webhost contract expires. I'm not very keen to pay triple, so I'm likely going to buy a new domain
  • ...and transfer everything over there
  • ...which seems like a great time to get a new email address anyway
  • ...and while I'm at it, de-Goggle everything I can?
  • Oh yeah, and it wouldn't be a bad idea if I started aggressively de-cluttering, you know, just in case
  • ...because it would be nice to move
  • ...and/or get a passport
  • ...before my driver's license expires early next year
  • ...since there's a non-zero chance my name change will get revoked.
You can see how the priorities snowball quickly. )
genderjumper: cartoon giraffe, chewing greens, wearing cap & bells (Default)

Recent patterns had me thinking that if I could get a good nap, or at worst an overnight rest, I'd bounce back from a meltdown relatively quickly and may even be able to fend one off.

But after the food problem yesterday, I never quite made it back to feeling myself today. And when another, smaller food concern emerged today, I started whimpering. Then I was confronted with a phobia and literally screamed out loud. The whole house had to come help me deal with it. 

Now I'm all worked up and I still haven't cried.

Is it still there, blurring my vision and sapping my energy? Or am I finally coming down from the summer hypomania about 2 weeks late?

Or does this week just really suck?

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