Gender Jumper

A response to this assessment vis à vis leaders we have personally known.

I had three mentors when I worked in Washington, D.C. They each influenced and inspired me in distinct niches: one professionally, one personally, and one metaphysically, but they all shared similar qualities as leaders (and were, in fact, all directors at the organization). I think what first drew me to them at the time was a casual insightfulness: not only were they learned and perceptive about the shared world in ways that I could not discern at the time, but they were also each very open and diplomatic with their thought processes: you always knew where you stood with them and you always knew why you stood there. I never saw any of them angry or even particularly irritated, just shrewd and prepared. I wanted that kind of poise.

Knowing what I know now, I absolutely believe they were all participatory leaders (which was my result in the Leadership Style Survey) and what I saw then as insight was actually just a honed humility: they knew what they were capable of, they knew what partners and opposition were capable of, and they came to every conversation prepared for both the best and the worst case scenario without being attached to the outcome: they fought for what they thought was best, they listened and negotiated, and they accepted the results. There might have been some compromises along the way, but I don’t think I ever saw them “lose” in those spaces, and indeed I think another way to describe “participatory” leadership is “noncompetitive”, which is a core value we all shared with the organization that employed us. We’re not looking to “win”, we’re trying to help everyone succeed.

With the caveat that my peak era of self-articulation is a near 100% overlap with my peak era on OKCupid, and therefore I do these little exercises in my head way more often than I'm actually on dating apps/actively looking to date, and therefore this probably won't be the last time I drop something like this off here and forget about it.

I am a person whose life is very intentional, analytic, and process-oriented (by choice). What I seek most from dating (and perhaps socializing in general) is spontaneity. I love it, I can build on it, but I cannot seem to produce it alone. I relish the mystery and wonder of getting to know new people, I savor the improvisation of sex, and I am recharged by hours that are set aside on the calendar but are left blank.