Seeking a Space for Space-holders
Jan. 9th, 2024 07:39 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
genderjumperLast year, I started sniffing around for a support group for facilitators, but not much turned up. I believe firmly that the capacity to hold space for others carries a specific mindset that can be difficult to take off or put on at will; if those who hold space for others cannot find ways to commiserate and consult, we burn out much faster.
But having the idea and having an execution are two different things!
I suppose the closest I have found is the Grief and Care Under Capitalism Support Group, which has been an invaluable space the past 6+ months. I've also felt connected to the person who facilitates, but I don't quite know what degree they are open to talking more outside the space. (I suppose I could ask. Ugh. I've been in too many normie spaces the last few years and just like forgot how to be bold and sensitive at the same time. Which I suppose it what makes me a good facilitator, so I haven't forgotten I just compartmentalized it as a work skill?)
Professionals do this: therapists have therapists, massage therapists get massages, social workers consult each other, Civil Rights activists literally invented "self-care" and "kitchen table activism" because they were necessary to sustain the movement.
As a professional, I'm pretty liminal (but as a liminalist, I'm pretty professional?), so it can be hard to find my people. I think I've been extra self-conscious the past two years, since a former lover and dear friend who had a lot of experience holding space for others (in fact, that's where I got that phrase, "holding space", which I feel encapsulates some roles that don't automatically overlap with "facilitation") told me they needed to withdraw from our friendship. I accepted their terms but don't really know where the disconnect (whether real or perceived) arose: if anything, I'm queerer, more radical, more self-aware, and more informed than ever before (does that mean they are not? Is it just because I'm so ardent about COVID-caution? Is it because they've become an extreme introvert and I'm still ambiverting all over the place?). The best thing I can do is accept their terms and hope they change some day. That in itself is a form of holding space for someone.
Anyway, if anyone ever wants to connect about holding space in bleak times, HMU.
But having the idea and having an execution are two different things!
I suppose the closest I have found is the Grief and Care Under Capitalism Support Group, which has been an invaluable space the past 6+ months. I've also felt connected to the person who facilitates, but I don't quite know what degree they are open to talking more outside the space. (I suppose I could ask. Ugh. I've been in too many normie spaces the last few years and just like forgot how to be bold and sensitive at the same time. Which I suppose it what makes me a good facilitator, so I haven't forgotten I just compartmentalized it as a work skill?)
Professionals do this: therapists have therapists, massage therapists get massages, social workers consult each other, Civil Rights activists literally invented "self-care" and "kitchen table activism" because they were necessary to sustain the movement.
As a professional, I'm pretty liminal (but as a liminalist, I'm pretty professional?), so it can be hard to find my people. I think I've been extra self-conscious the past two years, since a former lover and dear friend who had a lot of experience holding space for others (in fact, that's where I got that phrase, "holding space", which I feel encapsulates some roles that don't automatically overlap with "facilitation") told me they needed to withdraw from our friendship. I accepted their terms but don't really know where the disconnect (whether real or perceived) arose: if anything, I'm queerer, more radical, more self-aware, and more informed than ever before (does that mean they are not? Is it just because I'm so ardent about COVID-caution? Is it because they've become an extreme introvert and I'm still ambiverting all over the place?). The best thing I can do is accept their terms and hope they change some day. That in itself is a form of holding space for someone.
Anyway, if anyone ever wants to connect about holding space in bleak times, HMU.
no subject
Date: 2024-01-10 02:07 am (UTC)This is a thing I'm noticing...
Date: 2024-01-10 04:23 am (UTC)and I have social skills...
but I seem grossly incompetent at teaching my social skills...
Re: This is a thing I'm noticing...
Date: 2024-01-10 04:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-01-11 06:37 pm (UTC)