Weird quandary gets weirder...
Sep. 8th, 2024 02:34 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
genderjumperI have a weird quandary that has emerged.
A couple days ago, a networking call started with the person expressing an interest in mentoring under me and explicitly said, "I'd be willing to compensate you for your time." I haven't considered such a dynamic before, suggested a package similar to other services I offer, and we went on with getting to know each other on the call. Along the way we had similar solidarity points, especially being white academics trying to decolonize and de-professionalize our research and other work.
Next day, I got a thank you email saying she can't afford to pay me but still wants to collaborate (we both agreed that was a long term goal).
I've drafted a lengthy reply (with lots of meta-communication about tone and good intentions) where I gently ask her why she offered to pay me anything if she didn't have it: is she bad at negotiating, does she no longer think I have anything of value to show her, etc? And offering alternatives such as barter, future profit-sharing, etc.
I showed it to my partner and she says it's cringe and she can't even read it all. She would have me just say thanks but no thanks but this is someone who genuinely said she wanted to learn from me, shares my professional interests and outlook, and seems to lack the bridges I have built out away from academia...
I usually trust my partner's insights but here I feel like she doesn't get what I'm doing and I am scared to ask others for input.
TL:DR: my partner thinks I'm too honest but I'm trying to offer my potential/reneging mentee a sample of exactly who I am and what I have to offer by reflecting on her unspoken assumptions. By email. Is this a bad idea, and if so which part(s)?
A couple days ago, a networking call started with the person expressing an interest in mentoring under me and explicitly said, "I'd be willing to compensate you for your time." I haven't considered such a dynamic before, suggested a package similar to other services I offer, and we went on with getting to know each other on the call. Along the way we had similar solidarity points, especially being white academics trying to decolonize and de-professionalize our research and other work.
Next day, I got a thank you email saying she can't afford to pay me but still wants to collaborate (we both agreed that was a long term goal).
I've drafted a lengthy reply (with lots of meta-communication about tone and good intentions) where I gently ask her why she offered to pay me anything if she didn't have it: is she bad at negotiating, does she no longer think I have anything of value to show her, etc? And offering alternatives such as barter, future profit-sharing, etc.
I showed it to my partner and she says it's cringe and she can't even read it all. She would have me just say thanks but no thanks but this is someone who genuinely said she wanted to learn from me, shares my professional interests and outlook, and seems to lack the bridges I have built out away from academia...
I usually trust my partner's insights but here I feel like she doesn't get what I'm doing and I am scared to ask others for input.
TL:DR: my partner thinks I'm too honest but I'm trying to offer my potential/reneging mentee a sample of exactly who I am and what I have to offer by reflecting on her unspoken assumptions. By email. Is this a bad idea, and if so which part(s)?
no subject
Date: 2024-09-11 04:14 am (UTC)I emailed the person today, very brief but positive, suggesting we talk live again because I have questions. We'll see where it goes from there.
Your further feedback here is exactly the kind of obvious to which I am oblivious. Thank you. I am never going to feel loved and supported (professionally or otherwise) if I just open up at the first sign they like what I do. I have to put in the work to make sure we see eye to eye, just as I would in a romantic relationship. Because people may see things in themselves that aren't accurate. And they may see things in me that aren't accurate either.