Omens of Convenience

[genderjumper]

Sometimes we just need to take the path of least resistance because it is the path of least resistance. Sometimes I see these as omens or signals from the universe, but usually it just means that there are mysteries to uncover first, or that our enthusiasm favors one and not the other.

In this case, I thought I was about to dive into the Tao Te Ching and blog about it, but I cannot find the portable crate I use to transport it and my partner is asleep, so I guess the other thing I wanted to work on will happen instead.

This can even be a brainhack: if you have two good choices in a situation, you can set your mind to the one you're more resistant toward and just see how it feels. It might be more scary than you realized, or it may be that yours reasons for resistance come up and clarify your resistance. Either way, the choice becomes easier just by mimicking having made a decision.

Some day I should write about all the workarounds I've developed to minimized difficult decisions and/or make them not really decisions. TL;DR: hone and stick to your ethics, think through consequences, and understand the stakes for others as well as yourself.

(I really hope I didn't leave my books in Galveston... there were $50-100 in books there, some of which had nostalgic as well as material rarity.)

Comments

[flamingsword]

I am not great at understanding the emotional stakes of others in my decisions, but I can try to do that.

Good luck finding the book crate.

[genderjumper]

I'm not sure if it's something I picked up in early life due to chaotic surroundings or something I taught myself after being tired of being on the outside looking in. I try not to assume too much; just a basic good/bad/complicated assessment of others' response is enough for most decisions, but I also negotiate and process to the nth degree to limit unknowns.

[flamingsword]

I should negotiate more because the “processing to the nth degree” behaviors are crazy-making for me, and lead to a lot of decision paralysis. So I’ve decided very recently that I am no longer making myself crazy trying to guess others undeclared boundaries. It might make me a good friend for people with trauma, but it makes me basically mistreat myself on behalf of people who need to use their words.

[genderjumper]

This is relatable. I think negotiation is strongly preferred for me as well, which is what makes me an external processor. Trying to think out social decisions without social input is a recipe in disaster. I figured out at a young age that I could not accurately predict others' actions, and was better off not trying. This still comes up for me sometimes, and I have to make sure that holding back isn't just because I have an unearned expectation about how it will go -- often I am wrong, and the best way to find out is to just be open with others.

I've been thinking a lot about the Bill Murray version of The Razor's Edge, have you seen it? Feels relevant. "It's easy to be a holy man on top of a mountain."

[flamingsword]

I have never heard of that movie. I will put it on the list.

[genderjumper]

I think I'm watching it with my mom later this week. [awk face]

[flamingsword]

:\

I'm going to hope for the best. I hope that my dad starts reading books on alexithymia and what it does to families, that your mom decides to practice dancing the Texas 12 Step, and they both decide to get their shit together. We deserve better than we have had, and they deserve better, more connected lives than they are living. May it happen for us all.

[genderjumper]

So say we all!