genderjumper | Entries tagged with therapy

In therapy yesterday, I reminded myself that my push to post more on DreamWidth is not SOLELY a matter of following my muse in a low-stakes, high archival context, but to get back in the habit of writing. Period. Therapist also asked how long it had been and I couldn't really answer.

I was always full of ideas before caregiving (and to some extent after), but if I had to pinpoint I'd say the corporatized nonprofit job in 2022-2023 killed my writing drive. No, that can't be right; I started an ebook that winter (though of course I haven't finished it...). It really must've been my burnout last year (and even then, I reviewed everything I watched on Letterboxd)... Was there really much of a lull in my writing, or did it just deviate from old habits for a while (respectively: academia, marketing, self-marketing, movie reviews).

Maybe this is just picking up the slack from pulling away from Facebook. Which is just fine with me!

Current media: just finished Doom Patrol (way better and queerer than I could have expected), Little Richard: I Am Everything, Essential Dykes to Watch Out For, and a disappointing listen through Wet Leg's new album, Moisturizer.

I don't bother thinking very hard about the tension between free will and determinism unless I'm depressed and my usual self-regulation efforts aren't working. But it's rare that I start thinking about them without already noticing the depression and self-regulation stall.

This was not the week I thought I was going to have.

I got turned down for a job I really, really wanted. I trust that it's going to lead me to better things (or potentially I reapply later), but a lot of my cognitive load had been going to daydreaming about relocating and now it's not really sure where to go.
A trans woman died in my community. I had only met her once or twice: long enough to get a massive crush, not long enough to learn her last name. But I went to the grief circle tonight and offered what support I could to her grieving parents and others.
The friend I trust to be untrustworthy may be about to lose one parent to illness and another to the grief. I really wish people would call on a care coach or family diplomat during such difficult times. This particular friend just stormed off and probably got high.
Speaking of mental illness, when I started gray-rocking my fam-o about three years ago, I never would have imagined they would just stop participating. I have literally no idea what's happening over there right now, because they each started dealing with heavy shit and they simply do not know how to communicate out of anything other than idleness or overwhelm.
My ostensible dating partner and friend of 30+ years abruptly reconnected with an ex last week and derailed our plans to share physical space (which is a big deal because their family doesn't mask consistently so I have to build a lot of faith and request 5 days of relative isolation). I can't help worrying that some of this was sparked by their recent realization that I was going to move away sooner or later, but they are not strong at self-advocacy nor even certain kinds of self-awareness and I horrible at navigating the unspoken.
My planned road trip to visit hyper-cautious loved ones in central Texas did not happen because 2/3 of us got nasty spring colds (I allow for the fact it could have been COVID, but I have zero evidence and a lifetime of experience with allergies turning into sinus infections and it felt like the latter; that said, these things just plain heal more slowly than they did before my two cases of COVID).
Signs currently point to a new hypomania as I come out of sick-space: the excitement of the big change being redirected into staying calm combined with having been rather idle the past two weeks, so that's why I'm still up at 7am (I did have a 3-hour nap earlier, which is usually navigable for me) documenting some of the goings on instead of sleeping.
Have had a strong urge to write the past few days thanks to a writing group I'm co-leading, but I'm wavering between too much and too little to say.
My therapist wants to terminate after over ten years together because she has nothing left to teach me, I'm figuring it all out on my own. I agree it's time, but that doesn't mean I'm enthusiastic about it.

I should probably read the Tao or something contemplative, then try again to sleep.

S	M	T	W	T	F	S
			1	2	3	4
5	6	7	8	9	10	11
12	13	14	15	16	17	18
19	20	21	22	23	24	25
26	27	28	29	30

Gender Jumper

Entries tagged with therapy

Oh Yeah...

Is Being Out of Alignment My Current Alignment?

Two Sides of Mindfulness

Profile

April 2026

Syndicate

Most Popular Tags

Page Summary

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags